The Drive-Through Brothel Was a Wonderful Invention

"I'll take a blonde skank with a side of syphillis."

Like a Shampoo Ad, But For Ugly People

Something that pasty and flabby should get thrown back in the sea.

Little Timmy Began to Suspect He Had a Drinking Problem

Toddlers and booze are a wonderful combination.  Just like women and gags.

They Screw Like Bunnies

Playboy bunnies!  Ay-oh!  I'll be here all week.  Try the veal.

"People Said I Was Insane for Cutting Out the Crotch of My Jeans. Who's Crazy Now?"

You can tell he's artistic because there's an acoustic guitar leaning against the wall.  And that he's a moron because of his pit-stained douche-shirt.

"I Told You Not To Touch My Thomas Kinkade Painting!"

It was the second-worst beating he got, after the beat-down he received for breaking a Hummel figurine.