I Wish My Dong Was a Champagne Bottle

People probably wouldn't stare so much when I whipped it out at weddings.

"Make a Wish!"

Whoever gets the top half has good luck for a whole week.

I Prefer Q-Tips

But it does get her vagina remarkably clean.

Moments Before the CHUDS Got Them

They had to grease the fat kid's head with butter to get him out.

This Bastard Stole My Haircut

It only took me five minutes to find my way out of his hair.

Proof There's Crappy Music in Germany Too

They say "no cover songs" like it's a good thing.