It'd Be a Lot Hotter if They Weren't Holocaust Survivors

It's okay -- my parents were both Nazis. Seriously, though, what's up with those numbers?

In Case of a Water Landing, Her Chest Turns Into a Floatation Device

Don't pull on her bottoms though. It's not an oxygen mask that'll pop out.

I Predict This Marriage Will Last Forever

You know what they say -- a cock in the hand is worth two in the bush.

She Must Be Italian

What? She enjoys pasta. That's all I'm saying.

"Maybe If I Stand Next to this Hot Chick, No One Will Notice I'm Gay."

I think it was the makeup that tipped me off.

"What's the Big Deal About Anal Sex? I Don't Get It."

Let the reach-around begin!

All Oiled Up and Nowhere to Go

These are pics from my private harem. This is the caucasian section, although I think the one in the middle might have slipped out from Trannie Town.

Ever Wonder What It'd Look Like If the Charlie's Angels Went Undercover as Whores?

Me neither. But here's a picture anyway.

While you're at it, check out this video. It's funny stuff:

Invasion

I Like the Girls With the Boom

And I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom. And by "got busy," I mean "had diarrhea."

This girl's ass wants you to click on a link or two. These dumb captions don't write themselves, and if we just posted anything we found on here, you'd see a lot of pictures of people's weddings, soldiers in Iraq, pets, and babies being born. And those are very hard to get off to.

She Slew My Heart

And cut off my balls with her machete. But nobody's perfect. I still love her.

Just Like Heather Graham, Only Without the Crappy Film Career

How do you go from PT Anderson to Scrubs? You could break your ankle stepping down like that.

"Attica! Attica!"

If I knew raising kids was so easy, I wouldn't have abandoned the first three. Oh well.

The Pearls Add A Hint of Elegance...

While the teasing glimpse of stretched-out bunghole in the lower-left corner is reminiscent of early Ansel Adams.

Like the Victoria's Secret Catalog, But Without All Those Distracting Heads

If you don't like all my serial killer/disturbing references, how about this one?

J. Edgar Hoover's favorite outfit. Suck on that, History Channel buffs!

She Was Naughty, But Santa's Got Something for Her Anyway

It's a Cuisinart. What were you thinking, sicko?

David Bowie in Drag Isn't a Good Look for You Two

They may also be trying to look like Japanese hipster skanks. Either way, it's pretty bad.

What Up Gangsta?

The sad thing is, this baby's cooler than me.

You're Not a Cheap Whore If Your Tits Are In Black-and-White

Unless your vagina-slit is showing as well. I don't make the rules, ladies.