Like the Yin-Yang Rendered in Succulent Flesh

The black-clad breasts represent evil, while the white-clad breasts represent a good time.

Spiky Hair, Almost-Bare Breasts, a Cage, and a Dildo - Is My Dad Having Another Sixtieth Birthday Party?

In ancient Greece, this is how kings were buried.

Much Nicer Than the Lizard's Last Home, In A Frat Guy's Butt

But he's a chamelon, so he blended right in. Ay-oh!

Covering the Nipple Makes It Okay

Sometimes I'll flash myself to a playground full of kids but cover the head of my penis (which I can do with my pinky, oddly enough).

When You're About to Be Gangbanged, It's Important to Stay Hydrated

Or so my mom says.

Why the Terrorists Hate Us

Beats a burka any day.

It Has Begun. The Dorkening is Upon Us.

I can't believe this tool found someone to even fake-marry him. And yet, I'm sitting in my apartment all by myself. I must have done some bad things in a past life.

The Woman Knows What Her Audience Wants

That bra deserves a medal for going above and beyond the call of duty. It's doing a better job of keeping those things restrained than the Phantom Zone did for General Zod and his crew.

Yes, I am a giant dork.

She Is Sixteen, Going On Jailbait

I really wish nubile teen girls would stop posting pictures of themselves online. It makes it hard to get any work done.

While You're Down There...

How about scrubbing the floor?

Julie's Commitment Ceremony Was Touching, If Untraditional

They get civilly unioned so young these days.

Douche! There He Is!

Nothing ruins a picture of a group of girls than some wannabe gangsta inserting himself in the shot. There's only one guy that gets inserted in this shot pal, and that's me (once I get done Photoshopping it).

Would You Care for Some Ripe Melon?

I've got to get invited to a better class of party. Usually, there's someone dressed like this. But it's a guy wearing a wig, and that's just not the same.

Why Is This Baby Smiling?

Because he just peed all over the bed.

Her Tonguebaths Are Amazing, and Reasonably Priced

Seriously, that thing looks like when Leia strangled Jabba the Hut with her slave-chain.

The Bandana's Because He's Wanted By the Cops. For Being a Douchebag

And I think the gang sign he's flashing means "University of Kentucky."

It's My Party And I'll Grope Who I Want To

I feel bad for the kneeling girl, who's taking a chub to the neck.

Let Me Help You With That

I don't know why they had to do this in public, but I applaud them for memorializing it with a snapshot.

I've Been Waiting/For A Girl Like You/To Take Off Your Blue Pants

The genius who took this photo did it about twenty seconds too early. And yes, we're looking for other photos in the series, but they're not in order. Just know that we are working for you here at Best of Private Myspace.

Never Have I Wished More for a Girl to Get a Haircut

She could use a shave too. If she wasn't a redhead, she'd look like Gabe Kaplan.

Somewhere, A Stripper Store Is Out of Clothing

Alternate title: Lions, and Tigers, and Whores! Oh My!

He's a Pretty, Pretty Princess

You should see what they did to his junk.

"This Was So Much Easier On Guitar Hero"

FACT: Any band with a hot girl in it sounds 15% better.
FACT: Unless it's Christian Contemporary.

Thank God They're Wearing Bikinis; I Can Legally Ogle Them

Isn't child porn a victimless crime anyway? You don't hear me crying about it.