"I Wonder If Goats Will Eat ANYTHING..."

Fortunately the police came and baby Stephen only lost his left leg.

I Didn't Think It Was Possible...

But they've managed to out-scary-clown John Wayne Gacy.  Kudos to you, fatsos.  Kudos.

Even Though She's Just a Drawing, She Still Wouldn't Sleep with Me

Those smudges on the paper are from where he humped his drawing.

Officer, I've Been a Bad Boy

All that's missing is a bottle of vodka and you've got yourself a good night.

Her Webcam Show Was Hot, But Disturbing

I think I took this girl to prom.  Had a bitch of a time digging her up first.

Nice Puppies

I promise to brush them twice a day.  With my tongue.  Ay-oh!

This Tattoo Artist is Amazing. The Stretch Marks Look Real.

Who wants to stare at a tree-frog while you're going doggie?  Ladies, tramp stamps can be one of the following:

1) A tribal design, showing how "edgy" and "unique" you are

2) A Chinese or Japanese character (or Sanskrit or Hebrew) that you're hoping says "Love" or "Passion" or "Independent," but really says "Skank"

3) A dolphin leaping out of your crack

4) My name

5) A dragon

6) "Parking in rear"

Argyle Sweater + Pearls = Country Club Whore

Why is it that most dorm rooms look like prison cells?  Hanging a towel from a curtain rod doesn't make you Martha Stewart, honey.

Turn Around, Bright Eyes

"This mirror makes my junk look huge.  Ralph, come check this out!"

"Ha-Ha. Who's the Joker Who Got Me An Extra-Small?"

Fact: it takes five cows to make one leather jacket that covers her entire frame.

Take Two of These and Call Me in the Morning

Upgrade my PPO.  Stat!

Baby, If the Smell of Puke Bothers You, We'd Better Go to Your Place

At least she's wearing sandals, so her feet will be easy to clean.

"I Just Sharted!"

If that's her sexy face, I'd hate to see what she looks like normally.

I'd Climb Her Like a Mighty Redwood

Just call me Woody Woodpecker.  Wow, that sounds dirty.

"She's Trained for an Off-World Kick Murder Squad. Talk About Beauty and the Beast. She's Both."

Who knew Annie Lennox painting herself up like Pris could look good by comparison?  And yes, dorks, I know that Daryl Hannah was Pris, not Zhora.

That's What Friends Are For

Nothing better than waking up with a cock and balls drawn on your cheek.  Except waking up with a real cock and balls on your cheek.

It's Nice To See He's Getting Work After the A-Team Folded

"Hannibal, I ain't takin' no picture of a skank!"

It's A Wonder the Segway Never Caught On -- It Looks So Cool

Segways are God's way of saying you've got $5,000 too much.