Coming Soon To Fox - AMERICA'S TOUGHEST INFANT

When you looked at his baby pictures, it was easy to believe Jeremy breastfed until he was six.

Everybody Say, "Hey, We Want Some Pussy"

This chick's more magical than Mr. Mistoffeles, the original conjuring cat.  Meow!

I Squat, Therefore I Am

Think of the calories she's burning.  Richard Simmons would be proud.

Now That's What I Call a Piano!

When I tried to play "Eine kleine nachtmusik," she kicked me in the hodensack (That's German for scrotum, or literally "testicle-bag." We like to think that we're teaching as well as entertaining here.)

That's a Nice Bikini She's Almost Wearing

But it's the cowboy hat that makes the outfit classy.

Whoever Called it Glamor Shots Was Lying

I guess my grandpa was right -- you can put lipstick on a pig, but it won't make it pretty.

Two of My Favorite Things in the World

Watching the Lakers play and a blood-red steak.

Who Can Put Out the Fire in My Pants?

I hope it's not the dude on the couch.  Again.

Know How to Make A Douche Sandwich?

Take a hot girl, hike up her skirt, and stick her between two thick slices of douche.  Voila!

Nothing a Little Nair Won't Cure

If you think her arm is hairy, you should see her ladyparts.

Ever Wondered What Gay Werewolves Look Like?

Wonder no more.

That's One Way to Clean A Bathroom Counter

Although Lysol and a sponge don't leave skid marks.

She May Not Be a Whore...

...But she is wearing a whore's outfit.

2/3 of a Woman is Better Than None

Not pictured here, her butterface and two prosthetic legs.

I'm Shy...

If you didn't want your boyfriend to take pictures of your giant boobs, you should have bought a bigger shirt.  Be proud of those babies.  We are.

Welcome

You may have heard about the hacker who exploited a bug and downloaded 17 gigs of Private Profile pictures from MySpace.  Here at Best of Private Myspace, we've waded through the hundreds of thousands of pictures to bring you the best -- the hottest, the weirdest, the funniest.  We'll update several times a day.  And the snarky comments are included free of charge.

Enjoy.